I can't think of a cohesive title....

I have a lot to say. I also have nothing to say.

There is a lot going on right now, lot's of things that I want to talk about, I just...don't. I do not restrict this behavior to blogging. No one has heard from me. I have emails that have been sitting here for weeks. I have phone messages to return. I have at least one text message I never responded to. I am just...lazy. I think it's something in the water. I have noticed similar posts on a lot of the blogs that I read. Everyone seems to be caught up in a wierd web of self absorption and laziness.

I have been giving a lot of thought to my lack of motivation. Not only is it not restricted to my blog, it is also not restricted to my "communication". I have done NONE of the things I want to be doing to get ready for my surgery. I am not making any serious steps to shed any more of the weight I want to lose pre-op, as a matter of fact, I have been eating so horribly that I won't be surprised if I have gained the next time I am weighed at the Dr's office. I can see the old demon "self-sabotage" rearing it's head. I know I need to squash it, it gets me nowhere, except fat and unhappy, as it always has. I guess I should consider it a small personal victory that I am now at least self aware enough to know that I am doing it to myself. It makes me wonder, if I had discovered this level of awareness a few years ago, would I have managed to smack myself straight before I got here?

Kim over at Big Girl in a Big City wrote a great post yesterday about dedicating the month of April to several goals of bettering herself. I really want to join her in this month of self discipline and "on-track-ness". Kim set herself a list of rules that she wants to follow for the month, regarding food and exercise, etc. So...here are the rules I want to follow for the month of April. I think they are totally do-able.
1. Make good food choices.
2. Don't beat myself up when I make poor food choices, acknowledge it and move on!
3. Walk EVERYDAY on my lunch break.
4. Walk EVERYDAY after work.
5. Support groups, go to them, every group that falls within the bounds of my schedule, I cannot do this alone, and I need to accept that fact and start getting the support that I need from other people who have been there.
6. Yoga. I have already pre-paid for a bunch of classes, and they are just sitting there waiting for me to come take them!
7. NO CARBS AFTER 5PM. I set this goal for myself weeks ago and totally let it go, it is time to get back to work kicking the carb monster!

So...let's see. I have my endoscopy set for next Wed at 7:15 in the morning, and that is it! Last test, and once the results from that make it to the surgeons office I can set a surgery date! It's still not real (I suspect that feeling this way also has something to do with my general malaise and laziness), I told someone the other day (did I blog this before?) that I am not going to TRULY believe it until I wake up in recovery and the Dr tells me it all went fine. But, it's getting here!

Other than that...we got another dog. I took pics but they are in the camera, which is with Chris, in Dallas at a weeklong management training thingy. I will post them when she gets back. =) She is adorable (the dog, although Chris is adorable too), same age as Max, also a Basset, a little smaller than Max and SO SO sweet, totally happy and at ease as long as she feels loved, a great fit for our family so far.

Ummm...yeah. I better get to bed. I have to be up early for a long commute tomorrow.

Ta!