TV

Is anyone else OVER the writers strike? Yes, I realize it is over. It went on long enough that if I have to watch any more reality TV I might scream. One would think that with all the extra time for reality programming they would be putting out some good stuff...sadly...no. I almost wept tears of joy when I heard that there would be new episodes of Reaper starting back last week! Also, I am not a huge TV person, I can't imagine what hell the heavy TV watchers must be in??? lol

Also, when the heck does the next season of Dexter start???

Things I am going to do...I sware!

-Remember birthdays
-Journal everyday
-Kick coffee
-Kick carbs
-Go back to a regular yoga practice
-Walk the dog everyday (although he has arthritis so maybe this should be "when it's warm again")
-Buy flowers every weekend for the house
-Go to the farmers markets at least twice a week, like I used to
-Go back to dance classes
-Go back to acting classes
-Go back to school for a profession I love, and actually do it when I graduate

Decisions Decisions

I have decided that I want to go back to school again after I am done recuperating from my surgery.

I know that I want to do something in medicine but I can't make up my mind what. I do not want to become a Dr. I did when I was younger, but I have become kind of disenchanted with the idea. I have always wanted to be a paramedic, so the obvious route is for me to become an EMT (UCLA has a great training program) and eventually become a paramedic.

However...as I get a little older and my friends start families and have babies, I have started to think that I might like to be a midwife? I have been privileged enough to attend several births and I find that I am very collected and everyone tells me how much they appreciated having me there. I also really enjoy it, there is just something magical about that process of pregnancy and birth and the period following that I am addicted to. I am also a big believer in empowering women when it comes to pregnancy and birthing. I am not even sure where to begin to get that kind of training? And would it be better for me to just become a Licensed Midwife, or a Certified Nurse Midwife? I would think that it would be better to become a CNM, generally more training is better, right?

I have some serious issues with the medical establishment on a whole, where does that put me fitting into it? Do I want to avoid it all together (no, I know that I really really want to go into it), do I want to get into it and try in my own small quiet way to make it better for everyone that I can touch (yes, I know that I really really do). It is all very confusing.

Any thoughts? I know a few of you out there are in the field...advice? Anyone out there who knows me personally who has any insights?

I will be back later with some manner of list for today. =)

Things that make me crazy.....

-People who spit
-Bad drivers
-Dirty fingernails
-Poorly behaved kids (I'm not talking normal kid behavior, I'm talking the ones that make everyone else in the line at the supermarket want to strangle them)
-People who stand too close to me in lines
-People who interrupt
-Food stuck on the "clean" dishes
-Complainers
-Complacency
-Blindness to the world around
-Apathy
-Child abusers
-People who do not pick up after their dogs (because my dog is low to the ground and WILL find it!)

I think that's enough for tonight!

List for a Saturday evening....

This list writing is interesting...makes a girl think.

Today I have chosen 10 reasons I love my wife.
1. She lets me be an obsessive complusive freak when I need to.
2. She's hilariously funny.
3. She gives good hugs.
4. She doesn't care if I feel like wearing my sweatpants to the store.
5. She brushes out my hair for me when my hands hurt,
6. She would go without something she needed just to get me something I wanted, if I would let her (she's done it before!).
7. She may not understand everything I chose to do, but she supports it no matter what.
8. She works somewhere that I love, which means I can use her discount (yeah, it's shallow, I don't care).
9. She buys me my favorite candy every year around Easter (Cadbury Creme Eggs, the mini ones!)
10. She loves me back.

List 2

Todays list will be "why I volunteer". As a bit of background...I volunteer my time on a suicide and crisis prevention hotline for LGBTQ youth...this is both very trying and very rewarding...we get a lot of prank calls, a lot more than we get callers who really need us I think...but tonight I got a caller who really needed me. They were not suicidal but desperately needed someone to listen, which I did, for over an hour. I got them to promise not to engage in a risky behavior that they had been indulging and they called me back to tell me that I saved them from getting arrested tonight, and they were so thankful it brought tears to my eyes. So, in a way of remembering the good reasons that made me choose to volunteer in this way, because sometimes it gets easy to forget,I am listing 10 reasons why I volunteer.

1. I have lost friends to suicide, who may have been saved if they'd had someone to talk to.
2. I put over 100 hours of my time into training to be certified as a suicide counselor, so I better not give it up now!
3. I truly believe that sometimes when you are at your lowest something as simple as someone telling you that it is OK to feel that way can save your life.
4. Even the callers who are not suicidal are calling for a reason, and most of the time, it is a good one.
5. It is DAMN tough to be a young person in the world today, and if I can help I believe that I should.
6. There were times as a young person I wished for someone to talk to.
7. I LOVE my co-counselors, they are some of my best friends.
8. Selfishly, I love the feeling of being recognized at our organizations annual fundraiser.
9. I believe that volunteerism is not an option, everyone should do it, and I happen to enjoy this particluar volunteer activity.
10. It's fun! I always have a great time talking with the other people I am working with and catching up, since we hardly ever see each other.

A very thought provoking post from another blogger

Pam over at Journey to a Healthier Me posted this blog about whether or not folks who have not had WLS can ever truly understand what it is like to live the life of a post-op WLS patient. Go read it, its good!

My first list

Today I am making a list of 10 reasons I love my job...because, lately, I need reminding of that fact! (I should say, these are in no particular order)

1. I wore flip flops today and no one batted an eye!
2. We can wear jeans everyday if we want to.
3. Free snacks.
4. Good coffee!
5. I love my co-workers, we laugh all day most days.
6. They don't care that we all have our iPods here and download and listen to podcasts on the company computers.
7. I commute against traffic, which means my 20 mile drive hardly ever takes more than 20 minutes.
8. They let me come and go as I please...if I want to come in at 6, I come in at 6, if I want to sleep til 8, I sleep til 8.
9. The work might be boring, but it is steady and abundant.
10. The pay isn't great, but I get paid, which a lot of people don't right now.

NaBloPoMo

I have signed up with NaBloPoMo, and though I am too late to do the task for March, which is to write about lists everyday, I am going to attempt to blog a list of some kind everyday. =)

A Couple Cool Lists

I am posting these here mainly so that I do not lose them, as I love them and want to be able to refer back to them from time to time.

100 Reasons To Lose 100 Pounds

1. To feel good about ourselves.
2. To have GREAT sex! :)
3. So we won’t think people are laughing or talking about us.
4. To buy clothes in a normal store and actually get clothes with some style to them that fit correctly.
5. To have more energy!
6. To be able to tie your shoes/paint toenails.
7. To be able to sit on a floor and get up gracefully.
8. To wear a bathing suit.
9. To cross your legs or sit Indian style.
10. To fit into an airline/theatre/bus/whatever seat without spilling over and without having to see “that look” from the person who has to sit beside you.
11. So our ankles won’t swell.
12. To fit into a booth at any restaurant.
13. To not need an extension to a seat belt on an airplane and to have the tray table not balance on our bellies.
14. To not worry about being decapitated in our cars with our seat belts on if we should be in an accident.
15. To not turn beet red after moderate exertion.
16. To be able to pick something up off the floor.
17. Panty Hose that fit!
18. To go to an amusement park and ride the rides.
19. To be able to sit in any chair without worry of breakage.
20. To not have to apologize when caught in a narrow aisle and have someone need to get by.
21. To go dancing, sky diving, bungee jumping…
22. To be able to go horseback riding or ride a bike.
23. To not worry about rashes and sweating.
24. To not have to listen to “caring” people ask why you don’t diet or worse still… "gee, you have such a pretty face."
25. To not worry about spilling food, sauces or gravy down the front of your blouse/dress/shirt when eating.
26. To not have to think up some excuse for not doing something because you know your weight will impede you.
27. To not have your belly hit the steering wheel and to be able to fit comfortably in the driver’s seat.
28. To have a bra fit comfortably and to be able to buy underwear at Victoria’s Secret rather than at “Tubby the Underwear Guy.”
29. To not have to worry about the weight limit of step stools, ladders, motorcycle, exercise equipment, etc.
30. To not get stuck in a turn style.
31. To not wake up feeling achy in the back, or to have ache free legs and feet.
32. So the bathroom scale won’t creak and groan when you step on it.
33. To be able to leave the tablecloth on the table at a restaurant instead of dragging it with you when you get up.
34. So you won’t look the other way when you see yourself in a monitor where they have security cameras.
35. To never be embarrassed about your size.
36. To not count tying shoes as daily exercise.
37. To not have to wait for the handicap stall when there are plenty of other stalls available.
38. To not be more out of shape than seniors.
39. To not break toilet seat when leaning to one side.
40. To be able to put on wedding rings again.
41. To try to make a double chin and fail!
42. Buy clothing bargains to fit the next year … and they do!
43. Not to have to worry about plastic zippers or having your pants bust open.
44. Normal waistbands rather than elastic!
45. To wear knee socks correctly instead of worn like slouches!
46. To look good in a tee shirt!
47. To try on slacks or jeans and have the pant leg actually fit over leg!
48. To be able to get close to sink and not come away with a wet belly!
49. To get out of a stuffed chair GRACEFULLY and not look down to see if the chair has come up with you!
50. To not worry if the hairdresser’s smock will fit!
51. To not be self-conscious about eating in front of others!
52. To not be afraid to ask which hairstyle suits your face.
53. To not have people checking you out after looking in your grocery cart.
54. To not feel (and look) like a sausage in tight pants.
55. To have your friends NOT be embarrassed to be seen with you.
56. To get promotions/hired or close that sale.
57. Pants that stay up because your waist is smaller than your butt!
58. No more boobs! (this is for the guys!)
59. Wearing shorts or tank tops without fear of arrest or grossing out others!
60. To not have the fear of being rejected.
61. To successfully flirt!
62. To not worry about how to get in and out of the back seat in a two door car! Or any car for that matter.
63. One size fits all and it fits you!
64. To have a lap.
65. To not have the car you are riding in slant in your direction. Or a boat on a water ride at an amusement park.
66. To be able to use toilet paper as it was meant to be used and not to have to invent ways to “get the job done”.
67. To not have to watch TV news reports on fat people in hopes that you haven’t been caught on camera!
68. To be able to get between cars in a parking lot without wiping the dust off with your belly and your butt.
69. No more heat rashes and chafing in the upper thighs.
70. So that the cloth in the thigh area doesn’t wear away long before the rest of the slacks do!
71. To meet a friend online and not be horrified to have to send a picture of yourself.
72. To not take fat references and fat jokes personally.
73. To know you can go anywhere because wherever you sit you CAN be comfortable and look at ease.
74. To shop at the mall and not have your back ache from lugging your huge butt and stomach around!
75. To be able to stand still, carrying nothing and still look poised.
76. To be able to cross your arms across your chest without them resting on your stomach!
77. To have your feet get smaller.
78. Using your mouth to taste and chew food rather than as just a route to get the food from your lips to your stomach.
79. Blood pressure returns to normal.
80. To avoid other health complications from being overweight.
81. To be able to borrow a co-worker’s jacket for an important meeting.
82. To meet someone for the first time and their eyes don’t pop out of their head with amazement…because they never knew you’re fat!
83. To see your reflection in a mirror or store window without turning away!
84. To wear a watch with a regular length watch band.
85. To look in the mirror when getting your hair cut without thinking you have the biggest face in the world.
86. To not mind getting your picture taken.
87. To not avoid going to the doctor because you have to get “weighed” in.
88. To wake up each morning feeling energized and ready to go.
89. To not even worry about squeezing into small spaces.
90. To not have to enter an elevator and check the weight limit.
91. To look in your closet and have problems deciding which stylish outfit to work since you have so many that look good and fit well.
92. To not have to lie perfectly still in bed at night for fear of breaking the bed!
93. To buy tie shoes instead of slip ons!
94. To be able to walk any distance without looking for a bench to sit on.
95. To look forward to shopping and just trying on clothes!
96. To be able to drive by any fast food place without salivating!
97. To be able to shop at the same store for food instead of having to remember where you shopped last night for the junk food so you can avoid that store for a few days!
98. To not feel lower than low when an innocent child remarks about your size!
99. To not constantly be thinking of where your next morsel of food is coming from.
100. And the 100th reason to lose 100 pounds...I’M WORTH IT!
--Author Unknown

I don't remember where I found this next list, sadly...I thought I had made a note before I emailed it to myself...but I didn't...somewhere on OH.

When asked what was the best advice anyone was given about having weight loss surgery, the following comments were posted:

1) Eat slow and chew, chew, chew!

2) Sip, sip, sip!

3) Clean and disinfect your living space before your surgery. It will keep you busy and keep your mind off the stress of the upcoming surgery in those last few days of pre-op time. AND, it will make it easier to avoid infection after you return home.

4) Stop worrying!

5) Make up a schedule for meals, water, vitamins, and exercise.

6) Eat every 2 to 3 hours and drink water with a protein supplement between meals.

7) Do not drink (anything!) for 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after your meals.

8) Keep meals to what would have been "snack sized" portions as a pre-op.

9) Work your tool to the maximum potential in order to make the most of your honeymoon period.

10) Just because you CAN eat it doesn't mean you SHOULD eat it!

11) Lay your fork down between bites. This helps keep you from eating too fast!

12) RESEARCH! Research every form of WLS. Research your surgeon/hospital and any follow-up plan offered. Research post-op life. Research yourself and be sure you can handle life as a post-op!

13) Put away the scales and only weigh monthly the first few months. This will save you TONS of frustration!

14) Exercise as MUCH as possible as SOON as possible to help maximize your honeymoon period.

15) Lose as much weight as you can BEFORE surgery. That is that much less you have to lose after surgery and it makes your surgery and your healing time easier.

16) Work out with weights!

17) BEFORE surgery, increase your protein and start a vitamin supplement regimen so that you are used to it in advance.

18) Increase your activity level however you can. No matter how sedentary your life is, you can do something! Try leg lifts while sitting in a chair.

19) Don't Give Up! You will have good weeks and bad weeks. Sometimes it will seem like months! But keep exercising and eating right!

20) Remember that everyone is different. Just because one person lost 50 pounds in a couple of weeks does not mean you will. And, you will stall at about 3 weeks out. Don't worry! That is just your body adjusting to the rapid loss.

21) Visit your surgery date forum. You will find that many of those people are going through similar things at the same time!

22) Measure yourself before surgery and periodically after surgery. This will save your sanity during stalls when the scales are not moving! Use Thinner Self or another tracking site to track the changes.

Bleh

I'm here. I am in a weird blue funk this week.

I tell myself everyday that I need to sit down and write something...but I haven't. I either feel like I have nothing to say, or I feel like there is so much going on in my head that I have no clue where to start writing from. I guess if I just did it, it would work itself out...but I haven't.

Life has been...stressful. I am getting really tired of worrying about money all the time and endlessly juggling bills. My father in law is supposedly going back to work next week (he works in the TV/movie industry, so the strike hit us pretty hard)...which will ease some strain, one less person to totally support. Still...I took such a huge pay cut after I got laid off and we have still not found the new balance, I guess. The rent check bounced. Not because the money wasn't there, but because the bank placed an unnecessary hold on it and returned the check. Yeah. The landlord was THRILLED. And he is SUCH a nice person to begin with. *snort*

I haven't heard a thing from the surgeons office. I called when I got my surgical approval to find out about getting the endoscopy done and setting a date. No one called me back. I do not have the time to call these people every day. I guess I will give them the week (since it is already Friday) and call again Monday. It annoys me to no end. I realize you are busy, but don't tell patients they can call you if you don't have that kind of time. Tell us "We will call you." Maybe I'm just edgy overall and being overly sensitive to it.

My partner has been really sick. They put in one of those Mirena IUC's to try and control her horrible bleeding and cramping ("dysfunctional uterine bleeding") and it has only made it worse. Plus she is getting migraines, abdominal pain and joint pain. Seems to me like it is going to have to come out...there's another $500 we spent down the drain. She has an appt to see her GYN next Friday to talk about it. She is nearly non-functional lately, which is what used to happen every month before treatment...so she's really no better off...worse off really, the last two months she has had 2 cycles a month instead of one. Such a mess, I hate to say it, but I think they just need to do a hysterectomy, put her on HRT, and call it a day. Scary thought for her at the age of 30, but she has tried so many different treatments with no results.

My sister in law has decided she is taking our nephew (M, who we raised, not her) and moving to Georgia. And, of course, there is not a thing we can do about it. Just typing that out makes me tear up. She is not a fit parent and he is going to suffer from this, of course, I can't call CPS, because she isn't doing anything criminally wrong, she's just a shitty, non-interested, annoyed with the duties it all parent. On top of which, I cannot imagine a life without him here. He has basically been our child for most of his so it is almost like someone taking my son away from me and moving him thousands of miles away. To add to it, she is moving there with her new boyfriend, who does not like M, and has said as much. He thought he wanted kids with her, then she and M moved in and he realized, not so much. M has been back at our house more than not since moving over there (after living with us for a solid 5 years). I do not understand why SIL thinks that the best thing for a shaky relationship is to move thousands of miles from all of your family with your child. But, again, not really anything I can do. Partner and I have no rights and SIL doesn't listen to anyone.

Something is going around. I talked to my Mom last night and she said her best friend tried to kill herself last Friday. Someone I know talked seriously enough about harming herself on Saturday night that some of our friends called several people in our group (including me) in the middle of the night seeking advice on what to do. And, a woman whose blog I read and greatly enjoy got so overwhelmed two weeks ago today that she attempted to take her own life and had to be held for several days for her own protection. It's in the air...or the water...or something...everyone seems to be goin' through right now. I hope it get's better soon.

Everything is just feeling like a little much this week...I guess that is the ultimate problem. I am not sleeping well because of the stress, and because I am tired I am less equipped to handle the stress....etc, etc, etc.

I am going to take the weekend for myself, rest and relax, and next week will be better!

Approved!

In the mail yesterday, came a letter from my insurance company, stating that I have been approved for laparoscopic gastric bypass! I feel like I should be more excited? I guess I am still waiting for someone to come along and tell me they have come up with a reason that I can't have it after all....I will believe it when I wake up in recovery! LOL

At any rate, all I have left to do is get my endoscopy. I am not sure if I will get a surgery date before or after that is done, but I will post when I get it either way!