Ruby

Ruby got hit by a car tonight. Marcus opened the door and she took off after a dog across the street. She seems to be OK, it just barely clipped her, shes limping on one of her front feet but already walking better on it than she was initially. I'm worried about internal injuries, but we just can't afford the ER for her right now. Keep your fingers crossed for her please! She is just the sweetest dog I have ever had and I would be devastated if something was wrong with her.

List for a Saturday evening....

This list writing is interesting...makes a girl think.

Today I have chosen 10 reasons I love my wife.
1. She lets me be an obsessive complusive freak when I need to.
2. She's hilariously funny.
3. She gives good hugs.
4. She doesn't care if I feel like wearing my sweatpants to the store.
5. She brushes out my hair for me when my hands hurt,
6. She would go without something she needed just to get me something I wanted, if I would let her (she's done it before!).
7. She may not understand everything I chose to do, but she supports it no matter what.
8. She works somewhere that I love, which means I can use her discount (yeah, it's shallow, I don't care).
9. She buys me my favorite candy every year around Easter (Cadbury Creme Eggs, the mini ones!)
10. She loves me back.

Meh

I was sitting here, thinking that I should write something...let everyone who hasn't heard from me in a couple weeks know that I am still alive...but...I really have nothing interesting to tell anyone. I think our family is still recovering from losing a member that was arguably the corner stone of our foundation. I work...I sleep...I work...I sleep. I have been trying to spend lots of time with friends who know me well, who know that even if I sit in a corner and don't talk for three hours, I'm OK. And I have been trying to spend time with Chris...I dont think it's hit her as hard as its going to yet. So, yeah, I'm alive. I'm working a lot...it's busy in my office right now...and I'm home...or I'm vegetating with someone close to me.

How are all of you?

Shell

In memory

Carmen passed away this morning a little before 4 a.m. Her presence in our family and in our home will be sorely missed. Heartfelt thanks to everyone who has reached out to us in support over the last several days.

2nd update on Carmen

I just got back from a more or less 3 day stint at the hospital. Her Dr's and our family have come to the conclusion that there is no longer anything that medicine can do for Carmen, so Friday morning her Dr gave the orders to start weaning her off of her meds and switch her to comfort measures only. She had her last meds Sat morning and yesterday evening she stopped responding to us. As of this evening when we left the hospital she was no longer responding to light, sound, movement or touch. She has not eaten anything in several days, her kidneys have totally failed. She has not moved or spoken since yesterday morning and I think that at this point her bodies automatic reflexes are all that are keeping her breathing. I think that Carmen actually left her body yesterday, all that is there in her hopital bed now is a shell. As hard as it is to watch her lie there and gasp for air over and over, it is some comfort to hold the thought that she isn't really there in the sense that we think of. This is the first night that Chris and I will spend at home since Friday, it is the first night that we are comfortable in the fact that she is not going to miss that we aren't there. I do have to say, I am not going to miss sleeping in that hospital chair!

The past few days have been more emotionally draining for us than I ever could have imagined. It has been quite a roller coaster, even though we knew that she was terminal and that this day would come, I suppose it is true that it doesn't make it easy. Waiting for her to finally pass on has been more stressful than all the years of care we gave her throughout her illness put together.

Thanks to everyone who has called and sent messages of concern and caring, they are deeply apprectiated. I will probably not post again until after she passes.

Update on Carmen

I know a lot of you have met Chris's grandmother Carmen over the past few years, and a lot more of you have heard so much about her that you probably feel like you know her...so I will try to keep posting updates here on whats going on with her.

As of yesterday morning she is back in the ICU, her kidneys are failing, as is her heart. They have her on meds to try to keep her blood pressure up, but I believe her Dr has taken her off her regular daily meds and moved her over to just what she needs to be comfortable. The plan as of this moment is to try to slowly ween her off the meds that are keeping her blood pressure up, keep her comfortable, and let her go as peacefully as possible.

I saw her very early this morning, her pressure was low, her breathing was labored, and she was very cold. Chris and Manny are meeting with her Dr this morning to discuss exactly what is going on, discuss exactly what we want to do and figure out what we should expect for the next few days.

As for the rest of us, I suppose we are doing as well as can be expected. I went back to work today but I dont know if Chris will be going...Manny did not. We are all sort of existing in a fog. I am sure that the emotional strain will hit us a lot more after this is over, right now I think we are all trying so hard to hold it all together that we aren't really dealing with much of anything...at least for me, I know I am just kind of letting it all flow by in an effort to not fall apart too badly. I always kind of thought that when someone comes to the end of a long illness it would be somewhat easier to deal with than an unexpected death...but I am finding that it really isn't any easier...its almost harder because the emotional strain is stretched out for a longer period of time and it takes a much larger toll on you in the long run.

Anyhow. Seeing as how I actually came to the office this morning, I guess I should do some actual work.

Take good care of yourselves, and take good care of each other.

Life sucks sometimes

Carmen is back in the hospital AGAIN. They sent her home Monday afternoon, we all thought she was too sick to come home. Yesterday her breathing got so bad we literally had to make her sit in her wheelchair to enable her to breathe, as soon as we laid her back down she went back to gasping for air and we ended up having to take her back in to the ER, where one of the nurses had the NERVE to yell at Niki about how we waited too long to bring her in. Excuse me? Maybe she should have never been sent home in the first place?! It doesnt look good...I think the end is a lot closer than we thought it was. Life sucks. Work sucks, I am so busy I dont know what to do with myself, and my partner in crime that I share my job with is being sent to a satelite office for two weeks, leaving me here by myself. Great...FABULOUS timing. If you will excuse me, I am going to go crawl under a rock.