8 month update!

So, I am not so good at the updating! But I have my 8 month pics! We just moved (as you can see by the boxes behind me!) so these pics got taken on my phone, since I was not quite sure where the camera was (of course, I found it two hours later!!!)

As of yesterday which was my anniversary I have lost 131.2 pounds! Woot!









I had to get rid of the red tank top as it was so loose it was becoming unwearable...and I guess this is my last set of pics in those shorts...look ma, one leg!!!

2 month update

Well, it has been a little over 2 months since my gastric bypass, so here is a little update on how I am doing!

I have lost 48 pounds since surgery, however, this number may change as I have not been back to the surgeon yet, and his scale tends to be a little different.

I have lost 8 inches off my waist, and adding up all 15 of the measurements that I take gives me 66.5 inches lost over my body.

I bought a pair of pants last weekend, two/three sizes smaller than what I was wearing, and they are actually too big, I think I should have bought the next size down. =( and =) LOL

Here are my two month pics.

First Post-Op Appointment

Just a quick update, I had my first post-op checkup today. Dr P says everything looks great and I am doing perfectly. The nurse Pat says she thinks my incisions look so good that I won't even have scars (woohoo!). I have lost 28 pounds in 20 days, according to their scale! WOOT!

The time has come!

Here are my official before photos









And my pre-op measurements...I am taking a lot because I find it interesting all the small ways that our bodies change that we tend not to notice!

Neck: 17.5"
Chest (over boobs): 63"
Chest (under boobs): 58"
Midriff: 64"
Waist: 67"
Right bicep: 20"
Left bicep: 19"
Right forearm: 13"
Left forearm: 13"
Right thigh: 36"
Left thigh: 36"
Right calf: 23"
Left calf: 23"
Right ankle: 12"
Left ankle: 11.5"

I report to the hospital tomorrow morning at 6:30AM and surgery is scheduled for 8:30AM. I will post here when I get home!

Gettin' scared

It's finally caught up to me, I'm starting to get scared. I have done all my homework, I have a great surgeon, I have a great support system, and I am scared anyway. I have moments where out of nowhere tears stream down my face and I literally shake in my shoes. I have moments of telling myself that this is madness and I should cancel my surgery date. I have moments of being sure that I will be the one in a million who has some off the wall complication and my life will be ruined. It is ridiculous, but that doesn't make it any less true. It's funny what our brains do to us sometimes.

Dissapointment

I have a friend that I have known for 24 years. 24 years! I am only 29! Needless to say, we have always been closer than close. She moved to Vegas last year, we have been missing each other big time but we keep in touch. I messaged her last week when I got my surgery date because I knew she would want to be one of the first to know. I got a message from her today that said "May 7, so I guess you aren't coming to Vegas for my 30th birthday..." (her birthday is May 10). Excuse me?!?!?!

I am so upset I don't even know what to say to her. I have not responded yet because I know I won't handle it well until I calm down, but, really, if anyone should understand my reasons and be supporting me, I would think it would be her. I guess I am just hurt and really disappointed by her actions.

Am I over-reacting here?

Got my date!

I set my surgery date yesterday, May 7!!! I can't believe how soon that is! I am so ready, and I am nowhere near ready, all at the same time! LOL

Random acts...

Have you ever felt like you HAD to help someone that you had never met? I get that way a lot...I am a fixer. Usually, I just tell myself there is nothing I could do that would help, and move on. Not today.

The blogger community is odd...especially the women. Most of us have never met each other, yet we are fiercely protective of each other. We may have nothing in common other than the fact that we blog, and that is enough. We love each other, we fight for each other, we are protective of each other, sometimes to a fault. We laugh together, rage together and (probably more often than any of us would EVER admit) we cry together.

I was over at Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper and I read about Miss Ann's raffle, which she is holding to help out Lisa, over at Clusterfook. Lisa has just been diagnosed with cancer, ovarian...third time. If you know ANYTHING about this disease, this is not good news...according to Miss Ann, she want's to send the proceeds to Lisa so she can take her kids to Disneyland. Go...go to the raffle and buy a ticket. Go. Now. Oh, and the prizes she has rounded up ROCK!

Also, I have yesterdays NaBloPoMo post about the letter C, my internet at home is wonky and I couldn't get it posted. It is saved on the puter at home, so, I will post it tonight if the internet is behaving.

The Letter C

Today we address the letter C!

I decided to look up the history of the word "chef" (natural choice, right?) We learned it in cooking school, but only broadly.

Here is what I found...

According to Wikipedia it is basically a bastardization of the word chief...I can fancy myself a chief. However, wiki also notes that it has become a term used to indicate skill set rather than position...so maybe not a chief after all.

Since I trained through the Cordon Bleu program (at CSCA), I feel I cannot contemplate what it means to be a chef, without mentioning Escoffier , who is widely considered to be the father of French cooking...however, I also wanted to mention some of my own personal favorite chefs.

So...first and foremost for me has to be Thomas Keller. I WILL eat at the French Laundry one day before I die. And I will pay several hundred dollars for the chefs tasting menu, and I will attempt to be there on a night when Chef Keller is in house so I can meet him. The man slays me, brilliant brilliant brilliant. Incidentally, his cookbook is the only one I own just for show, the food in it is not practical and some of it truly beyond my tastes or abilities...but as a foodie, it is one you just have to say you have it (you can find it here or here.)

Next...Anthony Bourdain. I know, everyone knows who he is now that he struck himself up a deal with The Travel Channel, but for a long time he was simply a "chef's chef", he cooks the kind of food I strive to cook, and he is funny and real (on a side, I LOVE his show). His book Kitchen Confidential was recommended to me when I started cooking school and it is on of the only representation (I will talk about the other in one moment) of what it is like to be a chef that I have ever found to be even close to true.

Third on my list...Michael Ruhlman. He wrote my other favorite "chefs" book, Soul of a Chef. Besides being a great author he is also the kind of chef I wish I were, and hope to be someday. He cooks for the love of the cooking, and the food, and nothing else. He gets huge respect from me.

You may notice that my top 3 are all men. While huge strides are being made, this is still mostly a man's world. Women are still expected to be pastry chefs and relegated to making things "look pretty". In that world, there are a few women who stand WAY out against convention.

Sara Moulton is one of them. She is the reigning executive chef for Gourmet Magazine, as well as being a world class chef, author, and all around great person. When I was in cooking school we had to do a project for one of our classes, a big presentation. My group and I chose to tackle the subject of female chef's and the dichotomy that exists between us and "the good ole boys" in our profession...we sent out DOZENS of questionaires to female chef's that we respected, and the ONLY one (outside of the female chef's teaching at our school) who returned it was Sara Moulton. Probably the busiest of all the women on our list, and yet the only one who took the time out to lend her thoughts to some budding chefs. I will never forget that impression of her.

Also on the list of great ladies, Cat Cora. Before becoming one of the few female Iron Chefs she popped up here and there on various television shows and honed her cooking chops at a few different restaurants, and she also founded Chefs for Humanity, which is a coalition of culinary pro's geared to fill the food needs of those affected by emergencies, as well as working toward eradicating hunger. Anyone who founds a humanitarian agency is A-1 in my book!

Since I listed 3 men, I guess I will keep it to three cool female chef's, and close it off with Alice Waters, as it is nearly impossible to have a real discussion about the great women of our field and not come around to Chef Waters. If you have not heard of Alice Waters, it is likely you have heard of Chez Panisse, her first restaurant, in Berkeley CA (she also had Cafe Fanny, also in Berkeley.) Chef Waters has long championed fresh, locally grown ingredients, and her fantastic food is a testament to just how good those things can be. She totally inspires me to hit the streets and head to the farmers markets in search of inspiration to make amazing food.

OK...enough about chef's I think!

I can't think of a cohesive title....

I have a lot to say. I also have nothing to say.

There is a lot going on right now, lot's of things that I want to talk about, I just...don't. I do not restrict this behavior to blogging. No one has heard from me. I have emails that have been sitting here for weeks. I have phone messages to return. I have at least one text message I never responded to. I am just...lazy. I think it's something in the water. I have noticed similar posts on a lot of the blogs that I read. Everyone seems to be caught up in a wierd web of self absorption and laziness.

I have been giving a lot of thought to my lack of motivation. Not only is it not restricted to my blog, it is also not restricted to my "communication". I have done NONE of the things I want to be doing to get ready for my surgery. I am not making any serious steps to shed any more of the weight I want to lose pre-op, as a matter of fact, I have been eating so horribly that I won't be surprised if I have gained the next time I am weighed at the Dr's office. I can see the old demon "self-sabotage" rearing it's head. I know I need to squash it, it gets me nowhere, except fat and unhappy, as it always has. I guess I should consider it a small personal victory that I am now at least self aware enough to know that I am doing it to myself. It makes me wonder, if I had discovered this level of awareness a few years ago, would I have managed to smack myself straight before I got here?

Kim over at Big Girl in a Big City wrote a great post yesterday about dedicating the month of April to several goals of bettering herself. I really want to join her in this month of self discipline and "on-track-ness". Kim set herself a list of rules that she wants to follow for the month, regarding food and exercise, etc. So...here are the rules I want to follow for the month of April. I think they are totally do-able.
1. Make good food choices.
2. Don't beat myself up when I make poor food choices, acknowledge it and move on!
3. Walk EVERYDAY on my lunch break.
4. Walk EVERYDAY after work.
5. Support groups, go to them, every group that falls within the bounds of my schedule, I cannot do this alone, and I need to accept that fact and start getting the support that I need from other people who have been there.
6. Yoga. I have already pre-paid for a bunch of classes, and they are just sitting there waiting for me to come take them!
7. NO CARBS AFTER 5PM. I set this goal for myself weeks ago and totally let it go, it is time to get back to work kicking the carb monster!

So...let's see. I have my endoscopy set for next Wed at 7:15 in the morning, and that is it! Last test, and once the results from that make it to the surgeons office I can set a surgery date! It's still not real (I suspect that feeling this way also has something to do with my general malaise and laziness), I told someone the other day (did I blog this before?) that I am not going to TRULY believe it until I wake up in recovery and the Dr tells me it all went fine. But, it's getting here!

Other than that...we got another dog. I took pics but they are in the camera, which is with Chris, in Dallas at a weeklong management training thingy. I will post them when she gets back. =) She is adorable (the dog, although Chris is adorable too), same age as Max, also a Basset, a little smaller than Max and SO SO sweet, totally happy and at ease as long as she feels loved, a great fit for our family so far.

Ummm...yeah. I better get to bed. I have to be up early for a long commute tomorrow.

Ta!

NaBloPoMo

The theme for April is letters! I am choosing to take this literally, and choose something having to do with a letter of the alphabet for each day (what I will do after 4/26 is a mystery!).

So...A...aardvark (yes, I will explain.) Marcus and I were playing a game that involved pictures of animals...one of them was an aardvark, which we had to look up, because I had NO CLUE what it was (thank goodness for www.boardgamegeek.com, someone has posted a list of the animals...seemed odd, but handy!). So...for my "A" posting, I am posting some information about the aardvark, because it is wierd and topical to my life today.





From Wikipedia....
The Aardvark (Orycteropus afer) ("Digging foot") is a medium-sized, burrowing, nocturnal mammal native to Africa. [1]. It is sometimes called "antbear", "anteater", "Cape anteater" (after the Cape of Good Hope), "earth hog" or "earth pig". The name comes from the Afrikaans/ Dutch for "earth pig" (aarde earth, varken pig), because early settlers from Europe thought it resembled a pig. However, the aardvark is not closely related to the pig; rather, it is the sole recent representative of the obscure mammalian order Tubulidentata, in which it is usually considered to form a single variable species of the genus Orycteropus, coextensive with the family Orycteropodidae. Nor is the aardvark closely related to the South American anteater, despite sharing some characteristics and a superficial resemblance.[2] The closest living relatives of the aardvark are the elephant shrews, along with the sirenians, hyraxes, tenrecs and elephants.

Edit: 4/2 @ 9AM...I thought to look up Aardvark in The Devils Dictionary and this is what I found..."an audacious creature chiefly remarkable for its length of tongue, fondness for ants, and precociousness in lexicons".

TV

Is anyone else OVER the writers strike? Yes, I realize it is over. It went on long enough that if I have to watch any more reality TV I might scream. One would think that with all the extra time for reality programming they would be putting out some good stuff...sadly...no. I almost wept tears of joy when I heard that there would be new episodes of Reaper starting back last week! Also, I am not a huge TV person, I can't imagine what hell the heavy TV watchers must be in??? lol

Also, when the heck does the next season of Dexter start???

Things I am going to do...I sware!

-Remember birthdays
-Journal everyday
-Kick coffee
-Kick carbs
-Go back to a regular yoga practice
-Walk the dog everyday (although he has arthritis so maybe this should be "when it's warm again")
-Buy flowers every weekend for the house
-Go to the farmers markets at least twice a week, like I used to
-Go back to dance classes
-Go back to acting classes
-Go back to school for a profession I love, and actually do it when I graduate

Decisions Decisions

I have decided that I want to go back to school again after I am done recuperating from my surgery.

I know that I want to do something in medicine but I can't make up my mind what. I do not want to become a Dr. I did when I was younger, but I have become kind of disenchanted with the idea. I have always wanted to be a paramedic, so the obvious route is for me to become an EMT (UCLA has a great training program) and eventually become a paramedic.

However...as I get a little older and my friends start families and have babies, I have started to think that I might like to be a midwife? I have been privileged enough to attend several births and I find that I am very collected and everyone tells me how much they appreciated having me there. I also really enjoy it, there is just something magical about that process of pregnancy and birth and the period following that I am addicted to. I am also a big believer in empowering women when it comes to pregnancy and birthing. I am not even sure where to begin to get that kind of training? And would it be better for me to just become a Licensed Midwife, or a Certified Nurse Midwife? I would think that it would be better to become a CNM, generally more training is better, right?

I have some serious issues with the medical establishment on a whole, where does that put me fitting into it? Do I want to avoid it all together (no, I know that I really really want to go into it), do I want to get into it and try in my own small quiet way to make it better for everyone that I can touch (yes, I know that I really really do). It is all very confusing.

Any thoughts? I know a few of you out there are in the field...advice? Anyone out there who knows me personally who has any insights?

I will be back later with some manner of list for today. =)

Things that make me crazy.....

-People who spit
-Bad drivers
-Dirty fingernails
-Poorly behaved kids (I'm not talking normal kid behavior, I'm talking the ones that make everyone else in the line at the supermarket want to strangle them)
-People who stand too close to me in lines
-People who interrupt
-Food stuck on the "clean" dishes
-Complainers
-Complacency
-Blindness to the world around
-Apathy
-Child abusers
-People who do not pick up after their dogs (because my dog is low to the ground and WILL find it!)

I think that's enough for tonight!

List for a Saturday evening....

This list writing is interesting...makes a girl think.

Today I have chosen 10 reasons I love my wife.
1. She lets me be an obsessive complusive freak when I need to.
2. She's hilariously funny.
3. She gives good hugs.
4. She doesn't care if I feel like wearing my sweatpants to the store.
5. She brushes out my hair for me when my hands hurt,
6. She would go without something she needed just to get me something I wanted, if I would let her (she's done it before!).
7. She may not understand everything I chose to do, but she supports it no matter what.
8. She works somewhere that I love, which means I can use her discount (yeah, it's shallow, I don't care).
9. She buys me my favorite candy every year around Easter (Cadbury Creme Eggs, the mini ones!)
10. She loves me back.

List 2

Todays list will be "why I volunteer". As a bit of background...I volunteer my time on a suicide and crisis prevention hotline for LGBTQ youth...this is both very trying and very rewarding...we get a lot of prank calls, a lot more than we get callers who really need us I think...but tonight I got a caller who really needed me. They were not suicidal but desperately needed someone to listen, which I did, for over an hour. I got them to promise not to engage in a risky behavior that they had been indulging and they called me back to tell me that I saved them from getting arrested tonight, and they were so thankful it brought tears to my eyes. So, in a way of remembering the good reasons that made me choose to volunteer in this way, because sometimes it gets easy to forget,I am listing 10 reasons why I volunteer.

1. I have lost friends to suicide, who may have been saved if they'd had someone to talk to.
2. I put over 100 hours of my time into training to be certified as a suicide counselor, so I better not give it up now!
3. I truly believe that sometimes when you are at your lowest something as simple as someone telling you that it is OK to feel that way can save your life.
4. Even the callers who are not suicidal are calling for a reason, and most of the time, it is a good one.
5. It is DAMN tough to be a young person in the world today, and if I can help I believe that I should.
6. There were times as a young person I wished for someone to talk to.
7. I LOVE my co-counselors, they are some of my best friends.
8. Selfishly, I love the feeling of being recognized at our organizations annual fundraiser.
9. I believe that volunteerism is not an option, everyone should do it, and I happen to enjoy this particluar volunteer activity.
10. It's fun! I always have a great time talking with the other people I am working with and catching up, since we hardly ever see each other.

My first list

Today I am making a list of 10 reasons I love my job...because, lately, I need reminding of that fact! (I should say, these are in no particular order)

1. I wore flip flops today and no one batted an eye!
2. We can wear jeans everyday if we want to.
3. Free snacks.
4. Good coffee!
5. I love my co-workers, we laugh all day most days.
6. They don't care that we all have our iPods here and download and listen to podcasts on the company computers.
7. I commute against traffic, which means my 20 mile drive hardly ever takes more than 20 minutes.
8. They let me come and go as I please...if I want to come in at 6, I come in at 6, if I want to sleep til 8, I sleep til 8.
9. The work might be boring, but it is steady and abundant.
10. The pay isn't great, but I get paid, which a lot of people don't right now.

NaBloPoMo

I have signed up with NaBloPoMo, and though I am too late to do the task for March, which is to write about lists everyday, I am going to attempt to blog a list of some kind everyday. =)

Bleh

I'm here. I am in a weird blue funk this week.

I tell myself everyday that I need to sit down and write something...but I haven't. I either feel like I have nothing to say, or I feel like there is so much going on in my head that I have no clue where to start writing from. I guess if I just did it, it would work itself out...but I haven't.

Life has been...stressful. I am getting really tired of worrying about money all the time and endlessly juggling bills. My father in law is supposedly going back to work next week (he works in the TV/movie industry, so the strike hit us pretty hard)...which will ease some strain, one less person to totally support. Still...I took such a huge pay cut after I got laid off and we have still not found the new balance, I guess. The rent check bounced. Not because the money wasn't there, but because the bank placed an unnecessary hold on it and returned the check. Yeah. The landlord was THRILLED. And he is SUCH a nice person to begin with. *snort*

I haven't heard a thing from the surgeons office. I called when I got my surgical approval to find out about getting the endoscopy done and setting a date. No one called me back. I do not have the time to call these people every day. I guess I will give them the week (since it is already Friday) and call again Monday. It annoys me to no end. I realize you are busy, but don't tell patients they can call you if you don't have that kind of time. Tell us "We will call you." Maybe I'm just edgy overall and being overly sensitive to it.

My partner has been really sick. They put in one of those Mirena IUC's to try and control her horrible bleeding and cramping ("dysfunctional uterine bleeding") and it has only made it worse. Plus she is getting migraines, abdominal pain and joint pain. Seems to me like it is going to have to come out...there's another $500 we spent down the drain. She has an appt to see her GYN next Friday to talk about it. She is nearly non-functional lately, which is what used to happen every month before treatment...so she's really no better off...worse off really, the last two months she has had 2 cycles a month instead of one. Such a mess, I hate to say it, but I think they just need to do a hysterectomy, put her on HRT, and call it a day. Scary thought for her at the age of 30, but she has tried so many different treatments with no results.

My sister in law has decided she is taking our nephew (M, who we raised, not her) and moving to Georgia. And, of course, there is not a thing we can do about it. Just typing that out makes me tear up. She is not a fit parent and he is going to suffer from this, of course, I can't call CPS, because she isn't doing anything criminally wrong, she's just a shitty, non-interested, annoyed with the duties it all parent. On top of which, I cannot imagine a life without him here. He has basically been our child for most of his so it is almost like someone taking my son away from me and moving him thousands of miles away. To add to it, she is moving there with her new boyfriend, who does not like M, and has said as much. He thought he wanted kids with her, then she and M moved in and he realized, not so much. M has been back at our house more than not since moving over there (after living with us for a solid 5 years). I do not understand why SIL thinks that the best thing for a shaky relationship is to move thousands of miles from all of your family with your child. But, again, not really anything I can do. Partner and I have no rights and SIL doesn't listen to anyone.

Something is going around. I talked to my Mom last night and she said her best friend tried to kill herself last Friday. Someone I know talked seriously enough about harming herself on Saturday night that some of our friends called several people in our group (including me) in the middle of the night seeking advice on what to do. And, a woman whose blog I read and greatly enjoy got so overwhelmed two weeks ago today that she attempted to take her own life and had to be held for several days for her own protection. It's in the air...or the water...or something...everyone seems to be goin' through right now. I hope it get's better soon.

Everything is just feeling like a little much this week...I guess that is the ultimate problem. I am not sleeping well because of the stress, and because I am tired I am less equipped to handle the stress....etc, etc, etc.

I am going to take the weekend for myself, rest and relax, and next week will be better!