8 month update!

So, I am not so good at the updating! But I have my 8 month pics! We just moved (as you can see by the boxes behind me!) so these pics got taken on my phone, since I was not quite sure where the camera was (of course, I found it two hours later!!!)

As of yesterday which was my anniversary I have lost 131.2 pounds! Woot!









I had to get rid of the red tank top as it was so loose it was becoming unwearable...and I guess this is my last set of pics in those shorts...look ma, one leg!!!

2 month update

Well, it has been a little over 2 months since my gastric bypass, so here is a little update on how I am doing!

I have lost 48 pounds since surgery, however, this number may change as I have not been back to the surgeon yet, and his scale tends to be a little different.

I have lost 8 inches off my waist, and adding up all 15 of the measurements that I take gives me 66.5 inches lost over my body.

I bought a pair of pants last weekend, two/three sizes smaller than what I was wearing, and they are actually too big, I think I should have bought the next size down. =( and =) LOL

Here are my two month pics.

First Post-Op Appointment

Just a quick update, I had my first post-op checkup today. Dr P says everything looks great and I am doing perfectly. The nurse Pat says she thinks my incisions look so good that I won't even have scars (woohoo!). I have lost 28 pounds in 20 days, according to their scale! WOOT!

Home

I am home, actually, have been since Thursday. Today is the first day I have felt like sitting at the desk chair for more than a second or two, it is not very comfortable.

Dr. P said my surgery went excellent, and I have been feeling pretty OK. Tired and sore, but no serious pain and all my incisions look great. I have been doing fine with the first phase of the post-op diet and have managed to get all my protein in every day, although I am not up to where I should be with water yet. I am getting in a little more every day though, so I know it is just a matter of time!

My hospital stay was pretty unremarkable, so I probably wont bother to write about it, it was short and quick and I had great nurses and a private room (so, no crazy roommate to talk about!), so there is just not much there to tell! I did learn that I am allergic to morphine though!

Anywho, off I go, I have been sitting here about 20 minutes and my body is tired of this chair!

The time has come!

Here are my official before photos









And my pre-op measurements...I am taking a lot because I find it interesting all the small ways that our bodies change that we tend not to notice!

Neck: 17.5"
Chest (over boobs): 63"
Chest (under boobs): 58"
Midriff: 64"
Waist: 67"
Right bicep: 20"
Left bicep: 19"
Right forearm: 13"
Left forearm: 13"
Right thigh: 36"
Left thigh: 36"
Right calf: 23"
Left calf: 23"
Right ankle: 12"
Left ankle: 11.5"

I report to the hospital tomorrow morning at 6:30AM and surgery is scheduled for 8:30AM. I will post here when I get home!

Gettin' scared

It's finally caught up to me, I'm starting to get scared. I have done all my homework, I have a great surgeon, I have a great support system, and I am scared anyway. I have moments where out of nowhere tears stream down my face and I literally shake in my shoes. I have moments of telling myself that this is madness and I should cancel my surgery date. I have moments of being sure that I will be the one in a million who has some off the wall complication and my life will be ruined. It is ridiculous, but that doesn't make it any less true. It's funny what our brains do to us sometimes.

Dissapointment

I have a friend that I have known for 24 years. 24 years! I am only 29! Needless to say, we have always been closer than close. She moved to Vegas last year, we have been missing each other big time but we keep in touch. I messaged her last week when I got my surgery date because I knew she would want to be one of the first to know. I got a message from her today that said "May 7, so I guess you aren't coming to Vegas for my 30th birthday..." (her birthday is May 10). Excuse me?!?!?!

I am so upset I don't even know what to say to her. I have not responded yet because I know I won't handle it well until I calm down, but, really, if anyone should understand my reasons and be supporting me, I would think it would be her. I guess I am just hurt and really disappointed by her actions.

Am I over-reacting here?

Got my date!

I set my surgery date yesterday, May 7!!! I can't believe how soon that is! I am so ready, and I am nowhere near ready, all at the same time! LOL

I can't think of a cohesive title....

I have a lot to say. I also have nothing to say.

There is a lot going on right now, lot's of things that I want to talk about, I just...don't. I do not restrict this behavior to blogging. No one has heard from me. I have emails that have been sitting here for weeks. I have phone messages to return. I have at least one text message I never responded to. I am just...lazy. I think it's something in the water. I have noticed similar posts on a lot of the blogs that I read. Everyone seems to be caught up in a wierd web of self absorption and laziness.

I have been giving a lot of thought to my lack of motivation. Not only is it not restricted to my blog, it is also not restricted to my "communication". I have done NONE of the things I want to be doing to get ready for my surgery. I am not making any serious steps to shed any more of the weight I want to lose pre-op, as a matter of fact, I have been eating so horribly that I won't be surprised if I have gained the next time I am weighed at the Dr's office. I can see the old demon "self-sabotage" rearing it's head. I know I need to squash it, it gets me nowhere, except fat and unhappy, as it always has. I guess I should consider it a small personal victory that I am now at least self aware enough to know that I am doing it to myself. It makes me wonder, if I had discovered this level of awareness a few years ago, would I have managed to smack myself straight before I got here?

Kim over at Big Girl in a Big City wrote a great post yesterday about dedicating the month of April to several goals of bettering herself. I really want to join her in this month of self discipline and "on-track-ness". Kim set herself a list of rules that she wants to follow for the month, regarding food and exercise, etc. So...here are the rules I want to follow for the month of April. I think they are totally do-able.
1. Make good food choices.
2. Don't beat myself up when I make poor food choices, acknowledge it and move on!
3. Walk EVERYDAY on my lunch break.
4. Walk EVERYDAY after work.
5. Support groups, go to them, every group that falls within the bounds of my schedule, I cannot do this alone, and I need to accept that fact and start getting the support that I need from other people who have been there.
6. Yoga. I have already pre-paid for a bunch of classes, and they are just sitting there waiting for me to come take them!
7. NO CARBS AFTER 5PM. I set this goal for myself weeks ago and totally let it go, it is time to get back to work kicking the carb monster!

So...let's see. I have my endoscopy set for next Wed at 7:15 in the morning, and that is it! Last test, and once the results from that make it to the surgeons office I can set a surgery date! It's still not real (I suspect that feeling this way also has something to do with my general malaise and laziness), I told someone the other day (did I blog this before?) that I am not going to TRULY believe it until I wake up in recovery and the Dr tells me it all went fine. But, it's getting here!

Other than that...we got another dog. I took pics but they are in the camera, which is with Chris, in Dallas at a weeklong management training thingy. I will post them when she gets back. =) She is adorable (the dog, although Chris is adorable too), same age as Max, also a Basset, a little smaller than Max and SO SO sweet, totally happy and at ease as long as she feels loved, a great fit for our family so far.

Ummm...yeah. I better get to bed. I have to be up early for a long commute tomorrow.

Ta!

A very thought provoking post from another blogger

Pam over at Journey to a Healthier Me posted this blog about whether or not folks who have not had WLS can ever truly understand what it is like to live the life of a post-op WLS patient. Go read it, its good!

A Couple Cool Lists

I am posting these here mainly so that I do not lose them, as I love them and want to be able to refer back to them from time to time.

100 Reasons To Lose 100 Pounds

1. To feel good about ourselves.
2. To have GREAT sex! :)
3. So we won’t think people are laughing or talking about us.
4. To buy clothes in a normal store and actually get clothes with some style to them that fit correctly.
5. To have more energy!
6. To be able to tie your shoes/paint toenails.
7. To be able to sit on a floor and get up gracefully.
8. To wear a bathing suit.
9. To cross your legs or sit Indian style.
10. To fit into an airline/theatre/bus/whatever seat without spilling over and without having to see “that look” from the person who has to sit beside you.
11. So our ankles won’t swell.
12. To fit into a booth at any restaurant.
13. To not need an extension to a seat belt on an airplane and to have the tray table not balance on our bellies.
14. To not worry about being decapitated in our cars with our seat belts on if we should be in an accident.
15. To not turn beet red after moderate exertion.
16. To be able to pick something up off the floor.
17. Panty Hose that fit!
18. To go to an amusement park and ride the rides.
19. To be able to sit in any chair without worry of breakage.
20. To not have to apologize when caught in a narrow aisle and have someone need to get by.
21. To go dancing, sky diving, bungee jumping…
22. To be able to go horseback riding or ride a bike.
23. To not worry about rashes and sweating.
24. To not have to listen to “caring” people ask why you don’t diet or worse still… "gee, you have such a pretty face."
25. To not worry about spilling food, sauces or gravy down the front of your blouse/dress/shirt when eating.
26. To not have to think up some excuse for not doing something because you know your weight will impede you.
27. To not have your belly hit the steering wheel and to be able to fit comfortably in the driver’s seat.
28. To have a bra fit comfortably and to be able to buy underwear at Victoria’s Secret rather than at “Tubby the Underwear Guy.”
29. To not have to worry about the weight limit of step stools, ladders, motorcycle, exercise equipment, etc.
30. To not get stuck in a turn style.
31. To not wake up feeling achy in the back, or to have ache free legs and feet.
32. So the bathroom scale won’t creak and groan when you step on it.
33. To be able to leave the tablecloth on the table at a restaurant instead of dragging it with you when you get up.
34. So you won’t look the other way when you see yourself in a monitor where they have security cameras.
35. To never be embarrassed about your size.
36. To not count tying shoes as daily exercise.
37. To not have to wait for the handicap stall when there are plenty of other stalls available.
38. To not be more out of shape than seniors.
39. To not break toilet seat when leaning to one side.
40. To be able to put on wedding rings again.
41. To try to make a double chin and fail!
42. Buy clothing bargains to fit the next year … and they do!
43. Not to have to worry about plastic zippers or having your pants bust open.
44. Normal waistbands rather than elastic!
45. To wear knee socks correctly instead of worn like slouches!
46. To look good in a tee shirt!
47. To try on slacks or jeans and have the pant leg actually fit over leg!
48. To be able to get close to sink and not come away with a wet belly!
49. To get out of a stuffed chair GRACEFULLY and not look down to see if the chair has come up with you!
50. To not worry if the hairdresser’s smock will fit!
51. To not be self-conscious about eating in front of others!
52. To not be afraid to ask which hairstyle suits your face.
53. To not have people checking you out after looking in your grocery cart.
54. To not feel (and look) like a sausage in tight pants.
55. To have your friends NOT be embarrassed to be seen with you.
56. To get promotions/hired or close that sale.
57. Pants that stay up because your waist is smaller than your butt!
58. No more boobs! (this is for the guys!)
59. Wearing shorts or tank tops without fear of arrest or grossing out others!
60. To not have the fear of being rejected.
61. To successfully flirt!
62. To not worry about how to get in and out of the back seat in a two door car! Or any car for that matter.
63. One size fits all and it fits you!
64. To have a lap.
65. To not have the car you are riding in slant in your direction. Or a boat on a water ride at an amusement park.
66. To be able to use toilet paper as it was meant to be used and not to have to invent ways to “get the job done”.
67. To not have to watch TV news reports on fat people in hopes that you haven’t been caught on camera!
68. To be able to get between cars in a parking lot without wiping the dust off with your belly and your butt.
69. No more heat rashes and chafing in the upper thighs.
70. So that the cloth in the thigh area doesn’t wear away long before the rest of the slacks do!
71. To meet a friend online and not be horrified to have to send a picture of yourself.
72. To not take fat references and fat jokes personally.
73. To know you can go anywhere because wherever you sit you CAN be comfortable and look at ease.
74. To shop at the mall and not have your back ache from lugging your huge butt and stomach around!
75. To be able to stand still, carrying nothing and still look poised.
76. To be able to cross your arms across your chest without them resting on your stomach!
77. To have your feet get smaller.
78. Using your mouth to taste and chew food rather than as just a route to get the food from your lips to your stomach.
79. Blood pressure returns to normal.
80. To avoid other health complications from being overweight.
81. To be able to borrow a co-worker’s jacket for an important meeting.
82. To meet someone for the first time and their eyes don’t pop out of their head with amazement…because they never knew you’re fat!
83. To see your reflection in a mirror or store window without turning away!
84. To wear a watch with a regular length watch band.
85. To look in the mirror when getting your hair cut without thinking you have the biggest face in the world.
86. To not mind getting your picture taken.
87. To not avoid going to the doctor because you have to get “weighed” in.
88. To wake up each morning feeling energized and ready to go.
89. To not even worry about squeezing into small spaces.
90. To not have to enter an elevator and check the weight limit.
91. To look in your closet and have problems deciding which stylish outfit to work since you have so many that look good and fit well.
92. To not have to lie perfectly still in bed at night for fear of breaking the bed!
93. To buy tie shoes instead of slip ons!
94. To be able to walk any distance without looking for a bench to sit on.
95. To look forward to shopping and just trying on clothes!
96. To be able to drive by any fast food place without salivating!
97. To be able to shop at the same store for food instead of having to remember where you shopped last night for the junk food so you can avoid that store for a few days!
98. To not feel lower than low when an innocent child remarks about your size!
99. To not constantly be thinking of where your next morsel of food is coming from.
100. And the 100th reason to lose 100 pounds...I’M WORTH IT!
--Author Unknown

I don't remember where I found this next list, sadly...I thought I had made a note before I emailed it to myself...but I didn't...somewhere on OH.

When asked what was the best advice anyone was given about having weight loss surgery, the following comments were posted:

1) Eat slow and chew, chew, chew!

2) Sip, sip, sip!

3) Clean and disinfect your living space before your surgery. It will keep you busy and keep your mind off the stress of the upcoming surgery in those last few days of pre-op time. AND, it will make it easier to avoid infection after you return home.

4) Stop worrying!

5) Make up a schedule for meals, water, vitamins, and exercise.

6) Eat every 2 to 3 hours and drink water with a protein supplement between meals.

7) Do not drink (anything!) for 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after your meals.

8) Keep meals to what would have been "snack sized" portions as a pre-op.

9) Work your tool to the maximum potential in order to make the most of your honeymoon period.

10) Just because you CAN eat it doesn't mean you SHOULD eat it!

11) Lay your fork down between bites. This helps keep you from eating too fast!

12) RESEARCH! Research every form of WLS. Research your surgeon/hospital and any follow-up plan offered. Research post-op life. Research yourself and be sure you can handle life as a post-op!

13) Put away the scales and only weigh monthly the first few months. This will save you TONS of frustration!

14) Exercise as MUCH as possible as SOON as possible to help maximize your honeymoon period.

15) Lose as much weight as you can BEFORE surgery. That is that much less you have to lose after surgery and it makes your surgery and your healing time easier.

16) Work out with weights!

17) BEFORE surgery, increase your protein and start a vitamin supplement regimen so that you are used to it in advance.

18) Increase your activity level however you can. No matter how sedentary your life is, you can do something! Try leg lifts while sitting in a chair.

19) Don't Give Up! You will have good weeks and bad weeks. Sometimes it will seem like months! But keep exercising and eating right!

20) Remember that everyone is different. Just because one person lost 50 pounds in a couple of weeks does not mean you will. And, you will stall at about 3 weeks out. Don't worry! That is just your body adjusting to the rapid loss.

21) Visit your surgery date forum. You will find that many of those people are going through similar things at the same time!

22) Measure yourself before surgery and periodically after surgery. This will save your sanity during stalls when the scales are not moving! Use Thinner Self or another tracking site to track the changes.

Bleh

I'm here. I am in a weird blue funk this week.

I tell myself everyday that I need to sit down and write something...but I haven't. I either feel like I have nothing to say, or I feel like there is so much going on in my head that I have no clue where to start writing from. I guess if I just did it, it would work itself out...but I haven't.

Life has been...stressful. I am getting really tired of worrying about money all the time and endlessly juggling bills. My father in law is supposedly going back to work next week (he works in the TV/movie industry, so the strike hit us pretty hard)...which will ease some strain, one less person to totally support. Still...I took such a huge pay cut after I got laid off and we have still not found the new balance, I guess. The rent check bounced. Not because the money wasn't there, but because the bank placed an unnecessary hold on it and returned the check. Yeah. The landlord was THRILLED. And he is SUCH a nice person to begin with. *snort*

I haven't heard a thing from the surgeons office. I called when I got my surgical approval to find out about getting the endoscopy done and setting a date. No one called me back. I do not have the time to call these people every day. I guess I will give them the week (since it is already Friday) and call again Monday. It annoys me to no end. I realize you are busy, but don't tell patients they can call you if you don't have that kind of time. Tell us "We will call you." Maybe I'm just edgy overall and being overly sensitive to it.

My partner has been really sick. They put in one of those Mirena IUC's to try and control her horrible bleeding and cramping ("dysfunctional uterine bleeding") and it has only made it worse. Plus she is getting migraines, abdominal pain and joint pain. Seems to me like it is going to have to come out...there's another $500 we spent down the drain. She has an appt to see her GYN next Friday to talk about it. She is nearly non-functional lately, which is what used to happen every month before treatment...so she's really no better off...worse off really, the last two months she has had 2 cycles a month instead of one. Such a mess, I hate to say it, but I think they just need to do a hysterectomy, put her on HRT, and call it a day. Scary thought for her at the age of 30, but she has tried so many different treatments with no results.

My sister in law has decided she is taking our nephew (M, who we raised, not her) and moving to Georgia. And, of course, there is not a thing we can do about it. Just typing that out makes me tear up. She is not a fit parent and he is going to suffer from this, of course, I can't call CPS, because she isn't doing anything criminally wrong, she's just a shitty, non-interested, annoyed with the duties it all parent. On top of which, I cannot imagine a life without him here. He has basically been our child for most of his so it is almost like someone taking my son away from me and moving him thousands of miles away. To add to it, she is moving there with her new boyfriend, who does not like M, and has said as much. He thought he wanted kids with her, then she and M moved in and he realized, not so much. M has been back at our house more than not since moving over there (after living with us for a solid 5 years). I do not understand why SIL thinks that the best thing for a shaky relationship is to move thousands of miles from all of your family with your child. But, again, not really anything I can do. Partner and I have no rights and SIL doesn't listen to anyone.

Something is going around. I talked to my Mom last night and she said her best friend tried to kill herself last Friday. Someone I know talked seriously enough about harming herself on Saturday night that some of our friends called several people in our group (including me) in the middle of the night seeking advice on what to do. And, a woman whose blog I read and greatly enjoy got so overwhelmed two weeks ago today that she attempted to take her own life and had to be held for several days for her own protection. It's in the air...or the water...or something...everyone seems to be goin' through right now. I hope it get's better soon.

Everything is just feeling like a little much this week...I guess that is the ultimate problem. I am not sleeping well because of the stress, and because I am tired I am less equipped to handle the stress....etc, etc, etc.

I am going to take the weekend for myself, rest and relax, and next week will be better!

Gastric Bypass Surgery Explained

This is an article one of my "surgery friends" found, I am stealing it from her blog to post for you guys. It explains the whole process of the Gastric Bypass surgery that I'm having. It was written by a man, so some of it may not pertain to me, but you can get the basic idea here. It is an extremely long article, but I hope you will read most of it to understand what I will be going through. It will be a long, but well worth it journey.

Fat Boy... Slim

I weighed 360 pounds and was literally eating myself to death. I had one last chance to save my life: gastric-bypass surgery.

By Jonathan Wander, Men's Health

Make an "okay" sign with your thumb and index finger. You're looking at the approximate size of my stomach. That tiny circle, the result of gastric-bypass surgery, has made an enormous difference in my life. It's taken me from 360 pounds to 180, from a 60-inch waist to a 36, and from a four-door sedan to a cherry red convertible.

My journey into fatness began around age 7, when I started stretching the seams of my Sears Husky Boys pants. My parents weren't heavy and I had no siblings, so I got the milk and cookies all to myself. I began reaching adult weight by the time I was in seventh grade, and I practically had to oil myself to squeeze into the school desk. Gym class was a nightmare—I couldn't run (the teacher used to make me race against a kid who had one leg), and just the anticipation of a game of basketball would make me break out in a cold sweat. At our school, the teams would be "shirts against skins," and if you're a 12-year-old boy with breasts, you'd rather die than suffer the embarrassment of running up the court topless.

By 10th grade, I was over 200 pounds. In addition to Hershey bars and Wendy's double burgers, I also lusted after girls. But as much as girls don't want to be fat, they absolutely don't want to date fat.

In high school and college (where I reached the magical 300-pound mark), I had a couple of girlfriends, but mostly I had girl friends who wanted advice on, of course, their boyfriends. Like many fat guys, I simply shut down the libidinous part of myself. One pathetic example: In college, I took a trip to Manhattan and had one night solo, the perfect opportunity to indulge in some primal pleasure. A night at Scores just wouldn't have done it. Instead, I was in my hotel room, alone with . . . a pastrami sandwich from the Carnegie Deli.

To be that fat was to be constantly self-conscious and uncomfortable. Never let 'em see you sweat? My thick casing of insulation meant I always felt trapped in my own personal sauna. At job interviews (wearing my too-tight sport coat and tie), I'd feel sweat dot my forehead and occasionally run down my cheek, and I would instantly recognize the look from across the desk: "You are just not the image we want for our company." I got the same look when talking to women. Carrying around more than 100 extra pounds was a burden on my heart, physically and emotionally..

Of course, after depressing and humiliating experiences like these, a guy needs some comfort. So on the way home from an interview, or any other fat-related rejection, I would hit the drive-thru and get a Big Mac, a Quarter Pounder, two small orders of fries, and a chocolate shake. (Two small fries? I always hoped this would fool the drive-thru person into thinking the order was for two people.) When I got home I would top off the tank with some ice cream and cookies. Anybody see a cycle here?
The only thing more frustrating than being fat was trying to get thin. I tried eating grapefruit before every meal, all carbs, no carbs, high protein, low protein, liquid diets (twice), and injection with the urine of pregnant women. (In the '70s, injecting HCG, a hormone extracted from pregnant women's pee, was the latest groovy diet aid.) I ventured into more legitimate approaches, too—Weight Watchers, NutriSystem, and Overeaters Anonymous, where I tried, but failed, to admit I was Powerless over Pizza.

It was through one of these dieting attempts that I met my wife. We were both at the lower end of our yo-yo weight patterns, and throughout our marriage our weight went up and down, sometimes in sync, sometimes not. As with any relationship in which both people are addicted to something (food, booze, cigarettes), attempts to get unhooked led to either support or sabotage. When we were both determined to succeed, the teamwork was great.

But when one of us was ready to fall off the wagon, we could drag the other off, too.
As the years ticked by, the scale clicked higher. But at least my health, for the most part, was good. A heart palpitation here, some pain in the knees there, but my blood pressure was surprisingly normal, and I wasn't having much shortness of breath, lower-back pain, or any of the other usual symptoms of being (I still hate this term) "morbidly obese."My big wake-up came during a routine visit to my doctor, Ed Miller, in 1998. I stepped on the standard doctor's scale, ready to watch the numbers climb once again, but this time the numbers couldn't climb any higher. The scale's 350-pound max wasn't enough to weigh me. When the nurse told Dr. Miller, the two of them went to another exam room and wheeled in a second scale (as others watched, of course). I was shocked, scared, and red-faced with complete humiliation. They put the two scales side by side and had me step up, one foot on each. The result wasn't exact, but it at least gave a rough idea of my weight.

One thing, though, was perfectly clear: My run of moderately good health was sure not to last. I was approaching 40, heart disease and diabetes ran in my family, and I couldn't recall seeing many old men schlepping around 360 pounds.
"You've tried everything else, so you might as well go all the way," Dr. Miller said, and he recommended obesity surgery. He told me about the gastric bypass, a surgery that would forever alter my plumbing so that I absolutely had to lose weight and keep it off.

A DETOUR AROUND MY DUODENUM

How does a gastric bypass work? Two answers: restricted food intake and malabsorption.

With Roux-en-Y (pronounced roo-en-wy), the most popular type of bypass, the stomach is divided into two sections: a tiny pouch for all future digestion and a larger area that will never hold food again. The idea is to make a patient feel full after only a few ounces of food. Next, a Y-shaped section of the small intestine is stapled and sutured to the new stomach to allow food to bypass the duodenum (the first segment of the small intestine) and jejunum (the second segment). Because most nutrients are absorbed by the small intestine, bypassing several feet of this digestive piping means fewer evil calories converted into fat. (There's also less opportunity for nutrients to be absorbed, making daily vitamin and mineral supplements a necessity.)

Due to the length of the operation, a pulmonary embolism—a blood clot in an artery to the lungs—is one rare but possible surgical complication. Intestinal leakage into the abdomen, resulting in an infection, is another. Overall, the risk of death with Roux-en-Y is 0.5 to 1 percent.

Obviously, this is a complex, major operation, a true last resort in the fight against fat. The way Dr. Miller described the surgery, I would have a long, painful incision down my middle, days and days in the hospital, and weeks laid up at home.
Despite my desperation, I balked at the scope (and pain) of the procedure. Not sure what else to do, I ate. Then I did some research online, where I discovered another option: A local surgeon was performing Roux-en-Y using a laparoscope rather than the more invasive "open method."

A laparoscope is a fiber-optic video camera that's inserted through a small incision to show a patient's innards on several television monitors. This makes it possible to perform a gastric bypass from "inside" the body; the surgeon simply makes five or six tiny incisions in the abdomen and inserts his surgical instruments through the holes, using the monitors to guide him. The result is minimal post-op pain, only a few days in the hospital, and a return to work in just 2 to 3 weeks. I made my decision. Dr. Miller checked out the surgeon, and I was on my way.

It turned out that the local surgeon I'd stumbled upon was one of the best. Forty-one-year-old Philip R. Schauer, M.D., is the codirector of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center (UPMC) center for minimally invasive surgery and director of bariatric surgery. With approximately 1,000 gastric-bypass surgeries to his credit, he's a leader in his field. Tall, with dark hair and blue eyes, he's also the object of a crush for every female patient he's treated. And that's one big fan club: More than 80 percent of Dr. Schauer's bypass patients are women. "Women are usually first to try a method of treating obesity," he says. "Men tend to get in touch with us when they're older and the health problems of their obesity have caught up with them."

THE FEAST BEFORE THE FAMINE

The doctors tell you not to overeat during the days before the bypass. "Overeating prior to surgery can adversely alter glucose metabolism and lead to post-op complications," says Dr. Schauer. But how could I help it? Just the thought of that little stomach was enough to send me into food panic. Instead of looking forward to being thin, I obsessed about how in a few weeks the overeating that had given me comfort and pleasure for so many years was about to be gone for good. Unlike with a diet, a gastric bypass doesn't let you hop off the wagon for a Super Bowl binge or a cruise-ship gorge-athon. It's a lifelong chastity belt around your gullet, and only your surgeon has the key. (The surgery can be reversed, but that's rarely requested.)
My two weeks before surgery became a fortnight of Last Suppers—Baskin-Robbins, steak and baked potato, pumpkin pie, Pittsburgh favorites like fries from the Original, pizza from Mineo's, and a Primanti's sandwich. And it even meant a pilgrimage, a trip from Pittsburgh to Corky & Lenny's, just outside Cleveland, for some real deli food. (Pittsburghers usually avoid the trip to Cleveland, unless it's Steelers fans going to "take care of" some Browns fans.) Yes, I spent hours on the turnpike just to gorge myself on a meal of stuffed kishke, corned beef, cheesecake, and matzoh balls.

Now my stomach is about one-third the size of one of those matzoh balls.
The actual day of the bypass meant early rising, a shower, and off to UPMC and la-la land, for my life to be saved and changed. My operation took Dr. Schauer more than 5 hours to perform (including some extra time because I also had a diseased gallbladder to remove). That was 6 years ago. Today, hundreds of surgeries later, Dr. Schauer can complete a Roux-en-Y bypass in as little as an hour.

The few days after surgery were, amazingly, no big deal. As advertised, the laparoscopic method left me with little need for painkillers and just a few buttonhole incisions instead of one as tall asa magazine. Still, there was no denying that my gut had just undergone a major renovation. The replumbing, stapling, and stitching were so extensive that my new digestive system needed to be eased slowly back into eating. So Dr. Schauer prescribed a three-phase diet regimen: Phase 1 (first 2 weeks) was liquid; phase 2 (weeks 3 through 6) was pureed and soft stuff, like yogurt and canned fruit; and finally, phase 3 was real American solid food.
Phase 1 went pretty well, both physically and psychologically. I say psychologically because I tend to be a very visual person. It was easy for me to imagine chicken broth and iced tea sliding through my rerouted system. But when it came to the yogurt in Phase 2, I was a little shaky. What's more, it had been so long since I'd eaten anything solid that simply holding a spoon was strange. It ended up taking me longer to eat a container of yogurt than it would have to eat an entire pizza just a few weeks earlier. Once I had finished phase 2, real food—chewing food—was on deck. Phase 3 taught me what I'd never known—you're supposed to chew your food before you swallow.

THE SEVENTH-INNING RETCH

One of the (many) ingenious aspects of gastric-bypass surgery is that the surgeon makes the opening (the stoma) from the new stomach into the bypass much smaller—approximately the diameter of the tip of your pinkie finger. "A small stoma slows down the transit of food into the intestine," says Dr. Schauer. "This gives a sensation of being full for a longer period of time." It also forces you to chew your food completely or risk getting something lodged in the stoma. When your stoma is blocked, it causes a dull but significant pain square in the middle of your chest. (If you're morbidly obese, this can make you think your heart has finally had enough.) Actually, this blockage is usually no big deal. Often, the piece will work its way through. But if it won't go down, of course, it must come up.

This is one of the things people hear about most when they start to investigate gastric-bypass surgery. "You're having the surgery? I hear you puke your guts out!" The truth is, plenty of people don't vomit at all. Most do so very rarely. I didn't belong to either of those camps. I was a puker, and every wretched retch was my fault.

The best example of this for me was taking my 9-year-old son, Alex, to a Pirates game. I figured, ballgame with the boy, gotta have a dog. But I was too busy concentrating on the action to think about chewing, and a piece of Hebrew National got stuck. This was a bad one. In fact, it was the worst case of stuck-in-the-stoma I ever had. I went to the busy men's room and tried to work it out. No go. I was too uncomfortable to stay at the game, so we headed home midway through. Alex was understanding about needing to leave. The part he didn't like was the drive home. I had one hand on the wheel and the other holding a Pirates souvenir cup into which I was slowly coughing up my wiener.

One appeal of the surgery is that I can eat practically whatever I want, just not very much of it. The operative word is "practically." Some foods, particularly sweets, can be hard to handle. "Sugars can move too quickly through the intestine to be properly digested, causing 'dumping syndrome,' " says Dr. Schauer. "The effects can include abdominal cramps, nausea, sweating, weakness, and diarrhea." Dumping isn't dangerous, but it is a horrible feeling, as if your entire body were melting and sinking into the ground. When I told Dr. Schauer that too many sweets made me sick, he smiled and said, "Great, I'm glad to hear that." The docs know you can't consume many calories, so they want you to avoid the empty ones.

Other foods, such as red meat and milk products, can cause problems for a few patients, and some vegetables (celery, asparagus, lettuce) can be hard to digest, too, partially because they're stringy and difficult to chew well. And with alcohol, a little bit goes a long way. "Alcohol is absorbed quicker, and relatively small amounts can have a big effect," says Dr. Schauer. He's right—and it can be embarrassing. Recently, I was dining at a fine Italian restaurant and ordered a vodka and tonic. I drank exactly half. When I woke up about 10 minutes later, my face was flat on the table, permitting a nice side view of my Penne Mediterranean.

LIFE WITHOUT THE LARD

Fortunately, puking stopped being a problem early on, and I haven't done it in the past few years. What I have done, though, is lose weight—every pound I had hoped to.
In anticipating the weight loss, Dr. Schauer had said to me, "The bigger you are, the faster you fall." As an example, he said a man who's 5'9'' and 350 pounds usually will lose 85 to 100 pounds in the first 6 months, and then 75 to 100 additional pounds over the next year. When I started, I hoped to eventually get under 200 pounds. I now weigh around 180, exactly half the man I used to be.

Of course, the effects of losing weight reach beyond the physical. People treat you differently when you're fat, and dealing with the world from a "normal" perspective takes some adjusting. To start with, women flirt (I never knew!), and that was fun and slightly intimidating at first. There's no more need for self-consciousness, especially when walking into people-filled areas I used to dread, like airplanes. What was never considered a possibility before, or even offered, is suddenly very reasonable. ("Yes, I would like to try on that shirt." "Parasailing? I'm in.") And some automatic thoughts need to be changed, like now hoping for a booth at a restaurant instead of a table with chairs.

The effect on the individual of losing so much weight can be profound, and the effect on couples equally so. Dr. Schauer reports that he's seen couples go one of two ways after one or both lose a significant amount of weight. Some become much closer, and many divide. My wife and I, both of whom were successful patients of Dr. Schauer's, fell into the latter category. Fat can hide more than cheekbones and abs. It can hide years of fatal flaws in a marriage. It wasn't long after she and I lost the bulk of our respective weight that we split up.

I recently remarried. My new wife, Rachel, is an intelligent, beautiful, funny, sexy woman of my dreams. Would she have given me the time of day when I was fat? In her words, "Sorry, but no way. I would have said, 'You're fat. It's disgusting. Go for a walk!'" (You might think this would bother me, but it doesn't. It's the kind of funny, honest, to-the-point remark that's one of the reasons I love her.)

So, am I where I want to be? Not exactly. When you lose half your body weight, your skin can't exactly keep pace. I still have double chins plus (are there triple chins?). And while I'm pretty happy with the way I look in clothes, I'm certainly not thrilled with my appearance without them. The shar-pei look for the thighs—not cool. Basically, the bod is droopy, and no amount of gym time can tighten it to satisfaction. Like many who lose more than 100 pounds, I'll probably be turning to a good plastic surgeon to finish the job.

By itself, losing weight didn't change who I am. But the fat buffer between me and the public world is gone. To be thinner is to be more approachable, and some formerly fat people have difficulty adjusting to this. Some feel "the world" should have given them a chance even when they were fat. A few become intimidated, longing to have their fat back the way a newly released prisoner wishes to be sent back to the security of the cell.

But I was more affected by the expansion of possibilities in my life. Lying in bed at night, I think of spending more years with my wife; having less fear of heart attacks and strokes; and spending better, more active times with my 11-year-old son, my 6-year-old daughter, and the baby Rachel and I are expecting later this year. That child, unlike Alex and Aviva, will never know what it's like to have a fat dad. Buying normal-size khakis at the Gap is great. But these are the reasons why, when I meet now with Dr. Schauer, I feel a lump in my throat from gratitude.

Coming out.....kinda

I was a fat kid...now I'm a fat adult. I do not blame anyone else for this fact, the choices I have made and the paths I have followed have landed me squarely in these size 26/28 clothes. I went for 6 years never weighing myself at home because it allowed me to hold onto that last little shred of avoidance....I broke that streak last night. Were not gonna go there, suffice to say I sat down on the toilet seat and cried. I have made a BIG decision in my life that I want my friends to be aware of. At first I thought I wouldn't tell most people, just let everyone figure it out on their own when and if it happens....but I think that I am going to need the love and support of as many people as I can get, starting right here with the people I love. And besides...friends are supposed to be the people you go to, right? I think I was scared that people would be disapproving and negative about it. Now I just don't care what others think. I have the support of my partner and of my closest friends, and I am confident that the support of the rest of my friends will follow...at least the true ones.

I have decided to have weight loss surgery (WLS), if, that is, my insurance approves me, which it looks like they will.

I am tired of my life being restricted and negatively affected by my size. I am tired of idiot teenagers moo-ing at me and beeping as if I were a large vehicle backing (yes, that's true, it has happened), I am tired of the nauseating feeling every time I fly because I know I am going to have to look that damn perky flight attendant in the eyes and ask for a seatbelt extender because I am too big to buckle the standard belt (and lets not even start on feeling bad for whoever has to sit next to me and dealing with their obvious irritation at being stuck next to the fat girl)....I am tired of not being able to ride roller coasters because I don't fit in the seats...tired of feeling the seatbelt of my car tight across my chest because I have to pull it all the way out to buckle it...tired of being winded after ONE flight of stairs....but mostly tired of being tired., I don't sleep well, and I have horrible acid reflux at night....normal every day activities wear me out. I've dieted...I've exercised...those of you who spend much time with me can attest to the fact that I hardly eat, and yet I still am not losing weight (as a matter of fact, I have found that I can GAIN weight without overeating).

I have done lots of research on the internet. I joined a really cool website community for people pre-op and post-op to communicate with and support each other. I have a couple friends (including one of my very best friends) who have been through the surgery and I have talked with them about their experiences, both good and bad. I have met the man who will be my surgeon when the time comes and I really like and trust him.

I made the first real step today, I contacted my insurance company to find out exactly what steps I need to take (my Dr submitted a referral for me to see the surgeon and I was denied, my insurance company requires a lengthy (6 plus months) process of supervised diet and psychological evaluation before you can start meeting with the surgeon, so I have to do that and then submit another referral request) to get going and I made an appt for Jan 5 with my Dr to get all the paperwork for my first steps filled out.

It's very scary to think about, but I also feel so much better already knowing that I am taking steps toward being a healthier, happier, more able person for the rest of my life. This is definitely not the easy way out...the surgery is major abdominal surgery (I will be having a "Roux-en-Y" done laparoscopically) which will drastically rearrange my digestive tract. After surgery I will have to follow a STRICT diet (liquids and soft foods for almost two months!) and take vitamins and supplements every day for the rest of my life. However, I have decided that is a small price to pay for health and happiness.

Don't get me wrong, I am a very happy being now. I have a fabulous life, but it could be so much better. There are a lot of things that I do not do because of my size. Things that a lot of people take for granted that I just cant do. That being said, I have decided to make a list of things that I am looking forward to being able to do in the future....this is really more for me to have, but I am going to post it here anyway.

-roller coasters!
-RUNNING (let alone walking) up stairs and not feeling like I might die at the top
-not having to turn sideways to fit (and still squeeze) through turnstiles
-sitting in a movie theater seat with both armrests down
-walking into any store in the mall and buying clothes
-going down a shoe size (yes, most women's feet get smaller!)
-going down a ring size (or 2!)
-not having to pay $60+ for a bra that fits and WORKS
-wearing a belt
-wearing a dress and feeling like I look cute as opposed to looking like a sofa
-not getting the "do you think she knows shes fat?" look from strangers
-not being the biggest person in the room wherever I go
-going a whole day without my knees/back/ankles hurting
-being able to run and play with my nephew for more than a couple minutes at a time

I'm sure I will come up with more and more things as I move along this journey and I will keep posting updates here as I navigate through all the hoops my insurance company will be tossing at me.

Well...wanted to get that off my chest and "out of my closet" I hope you all will support me in this journey and this new beginning. I am very excited and also very nervous about it...but I know it is going to allow me many more years of good times with all of you.
Love, Shell

P.S. Words of encouragement welcomed and cherished, but if you have only negative things to say please keep them to yourself...I neither want nor need to hear them, and any negative comments left will be deleted.